If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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