Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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