last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
