New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
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