So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
