she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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