I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
