Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Randomize
