I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
i would one night stand the shit outta him
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
