I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
