i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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