Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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