Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
