I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
