come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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