so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
