I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
this just has baby written all over it
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
