Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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