I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
