mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
