I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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