my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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