He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Randomize
