I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
