Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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