If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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