hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
