At least make sure they are 18
Why
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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