I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
