You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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