yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Randomize
