Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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