What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
