i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
