No awkward lesbian experiences without me
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
