my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
We need to get me chipped asap
Randomize
