At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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