Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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