You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
