I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
