I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
