His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
