I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
