My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
