You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
