I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
