just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Randomize
