i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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