Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
