i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
