we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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